On Our Own

My mom headed home this afternoon...but not before I figured how to use the Moby Wrap that I got for Xmas from Bill. I've actually been doing laundry since she left and get this...I HAVE TWO HANDS for typing! We also have a baby bjorn (which Eva loved) and a mei tai, which she loved too but that she was too big for soon after we got it.

Now we'll need to figure out how to do bedtime but I have til Thursday to figure that out since Bill has tonight and tomorrow night off.

In other news, we spent yesterday afternoon at the hospital, getting a scan on my leg. I have a sharp calf pain and that is a red flag post-partum because it can indicate a blood clot. I saw Midwife K and she thought it was probably ok (and so did I) but we couldn't be sure so off to radiology! It turned out to be fine (could be tendonitis) and la Lou was a champ...she was soooo good for Grandma while they waited for me in the three different waiting rooms over the course of 2 hours.

I also managed to have a mini-breakdown in the grocery store AND to breastfeed a man out of a room. The funny thing was that he didn't seem to realize I was nursing until well after the danger of him catching a glimpse of boob had passed. But when he figured it out he skedaddled!!

PS We would love to have visitors!

6:56pm and Tear Free

It's a new record!

I've been surviving pretty well, other than being seriously irritable. I'm grieving the end of being a mom to an only child, and mourning the loss of only-childness for my daughter (who is also occasionally upset about that as well.) It's really hard to watch her be upset and know that we did something that is making her hurt, even though it is a good thing overall. She's had a few meltdowns. I'm trying to give her as much attention as I can, but that's not much!

Way is sleeping pretty well...we did have one night where he slept in his bassinet between feedings, other nights it's a combo of bassinet, pack and play, and on my chest on the couch. We both sleep the most on the couch together so that's the default. The night before last was tough and made for an unhappy Christmas for me. (Lots of expletives around the cooking of dinner and lots of tears by 6pm.)

But overall things are going well. My mom and I took the kids to lunch at Friendly's and then to the mall to buy me a new nursing bra (I've surpassed the DDs!) and some nursing tops. Way rode in the Bjorn and La Lou drove the race car stroller. Nursing is going wonderfully, whereas last time I was just having my milk come in on Day 8.

Bill is now at work, for his second night snowmaking on Whiteface. A late start this year, but that worked out well! I am just dreading after New Year's when my mom is gone and it's just me and two kids at Lulu's bedtime. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

Quilts 2 & 3

Remember the 4 quilts I wanted to finish by November 1? I finished them this month...Way doesn't have a quilt yet, but he doesn't know it, so I guess he can wait!

Different Kid

While the Wayman looks a lot like Eva la Lou, there is one HUGE difference. He sleeps. And is, so far, incredibly mellow. He falls asleep around 9 or 10 now, wakes at midnight or one, then at 3 or four, and then at 7ish. He nurses, and falls right back asleep. Which means we can too. With La Lou, we spent much of the first week with her screaming, pacing the hall. I think the number one difference, other than basic temperament, is that this time I have the milk. Lots and lots of milk. Flowing, leaking, wonderful milk. Engorgement never felt so wonderful!

He arrived!

Waylon Henner Stahl: born at 10:10pm, 12/18 after 13 hours of labor and 10 or so minutes of pushing! 9lbs 10 and 3/4 oz. 23 inches. Heavier but as long as big sister Eva.

Thursday AM

As long as there is space in L&D, I will be getting induced on Thursday am. But I am starting to panic. Please tell me more stories of people who did pit sans epi!!! I couldn't do it last time...my hope is that I will have more strength going in rested instead of getting my pitocin after 30 something hours of stop and go labor and a sleepless night. I hope.

Stubborn Kids

Two stubborn kids? Can I take it?

All day yesterday I had a strange back ache. And around 9 last night I started having contractions, painful contractions, that started n my back and moved around into my pelvis and abdomen. I had to breathe my way through them. They were 12, 14, 13, 10 minutes apart. And then they were gone. GONE. AAAARGGHHHH.

Due date is tomorrow. Midwife appointment today. Induction on Thursday? COME BEFORE THEN BABY!

Tear of the Day

When asked by Santa what she wants for Christmas, Eva names her brother.

Aaaahhhhhh.

She also got a haircut, enjoyed the car wash, cheered during Madagascar, and let me eat her pickles.

I Have a horrible back pain that seems too high and too constant to be labor.

Decor-aitch

Today we went to the Wild Center. Afte Eva was in bed we decorated the tree. Which was after she head butted me, which gave me the bloody nose. Sigh.

Tomorrow E and I are going to Friendly's for lunch, to see Madagascar 2, to meet Santa, and maybe even to get her hair cut. Bill is having a tooth pulled. Who is going to have more fun?



Yes, this giant pregnant lady.

O Tanenbaum

This is the one!

On the way to the tree farm, Eva practiced her duck calls...

Still quiet here...I didn't get my membranes stripped. They will check me on Tuesday, and if I've made any progress, we will induce on Thursday if I want. I've been trying other methods of natural induction...the sex, evening primrose oil, spicy food (thai), walking, but no luck.

Poor Eva la Lou has been up and down all night with a fever.

I'm done with work!

I feel strange. I'm just saying.

Tomorrow, if I am dilated at all Midwife K will sweep my membranes. If you don't know what that means, I suggest you decide not to find out, and just wish me luck anyway.

Is "The Gimlet" a good fetal nickname?

Three Years Ago (again)

"Hello, Pineapple.
Even though you hurt my tummy, I am eating you for the deliciousness and for the old wive's tale about you and labor starting. Even though I know baby will be born on Monday due to my highly scientific "the number of cars I pass going the other way on Haselton Road between Black Brook and the Methodist Church equals the number of days from now baby will be born" method of prediction. Listen, if the also scientific "if I see three horses and a white dog on my way home, I am pregnant" works, this must too! And what about "the gender of the person driving the next red car I see is the gender of my baby" test? Also scientifically proven."

So I remember always being disappointed by the outcome of these "signs" last time, and my disappointment in not going early (or on time) was indeed founded. So I am trying to avoid reading the signs I make up. But this afternoon there was one that not even I can deny. (Play along, will ya?)

When I got home my cocktail shaker was sitting on the kitchen counter. It lives in the freezer, but apparently Bill doesn't know that. Anyway, the top lid on the shaker, the one that covers the strainer, has been stuck on that thing since last summer. I've tried freezing it, boiling it, warm water, lubing it up with oil, holding it between my legs and grunting as I pull on a towel wrapped around the top. Nothing. I can use the strainer, but have to use a complicated combo of a half removed bigger lid and a sieve in order to make some drinks.

Anyway. There was the shaker. I walked right over, picked it up, and OFF popped the lid!!!! I cheered! Lulu cheered! eMILy cheered! I yelled, "Come on out baby, Mama wants a gimlet!!!" La Lu repeated that and went into hysterics. Then she ran around chanting about gimlets and mama and the baby!

A definite sign something will happen soon.

I am so large the camera can't focus!

3 years Ago..

"THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2005
If you are pregnant, and think you are peeing yourself, you probably are. That is the lesson I learned first thing this morning. Needless to say, I felt like a fool on the Ob's table.
Got vistaril for my PUPPs rash. KNOCKED ME OUT."

That was 10 days before my Due Date with Eva. I am so glad I am not peeing myself (that much!) and that I don't have PUPPS again. And I am glad that, should I decide to, I can have this baby in 11 days.

I do feel like I am getting the sickness others have had, so I am lying low today....finishing a quilt for Z's boy (I hope!) and baking some cookies (perhaps!) Right now Bill has taken E. to Placid to get bagels and visit a friend from NYC who is up for the weekend. eMILy (my mother in law) is still snoozing. Yesterday I went to the Mirror Lake Inn and had a massage and got my hair trimmed, so I got some nice alone time then too!

She brought it up...

So today midwife K. offered induction two weeks from today. I don't have to make up my mind until next Thursday (and could wait longer to decide than that.) I can argue both ways. Bill isn't thrilled with the idea of inducing, and I'm not either. But I found waiting 9 days past my due date to cause mild insanity last time. And this time I won't be working after next Friday.

I have been looking online for stories of induction with no pain meds.

I don't want to be thinking this

I am starting to freak out that Eva's lil brother will decide to follow in her steps and come on the, say, 26th. You know, the day between Xmas and our family party. And because of this, and the feeling that he is a freaking GIANT, that I am feeling tempted to ask about the "I" word. The thing I said I would never ever do again. And I won't. At least I won't do pitocin again. But maybe some membrane stripping couldn't hurt. Sigh. I hate feeling impatient. But at least I am not being impatient and ITCHY this time.

Phew.

The last of our Thanksgiving guests just left, leaving just us and my mother-in-law. So now she is officially here for the birth of the baby. I am due in 17 days! So it could be 26 days, if history is an indicator. I am still starting on the myriad "Natural induction" techniques...Yesterday I took my evening primrose oil, engaged in some alone time with Bill, ate a spicy dinner and walked and walked. I have lower back pain today, but that's probably from NINE HOURS of sleep! (Minus three pee breaks of course!)

I have a lot left to do at work, but I am not sure if I will ever be MORE ready as far as that aspect of prep goes.

In the meantime, today I plan on making our room ready for baby!

Home Alone!

I love when I get to be home alone for even a short while! Yesterday afternoon E., Bill's mom, arrived. She's here for Thanksgiving, until Friday, after which she will be here 'til the baby comes. E. is great. She and Bill took the Lu to P'burgh grocery shopping. She loves to launder and organize. And she is saving our butts this week, as my day care provider called this morning to say she has to be closed on Tuesday and Wednesday, in addition to Friday, and I am working all of those days.

I have three more weeks of work left. Which is SOOOO long, and also not nearly enough time. I have developed an annoying and painful, but harmless, pregnancy symptom that I was lucky to avoid with the Lulu. What a pain in the, ahem, ass! And I feel totally unprepared.

So in my time alone, I am completing the quilt for my friend Z's boy twin. (The girl's has been done for a few weeks.) And the twins arrived last Saturday, so I have some motivation. Z and I shared a due date. And the twins are home home home. Very lucky!

I've also backed some cookies and cleared off the kitchen table, a little. I don't want to waste my precious time alone!

Can someone explain to me what Quantum of Solace actually means?
And also, why did I never invest the $20 in a donut pillow before?

And welcome to new babies of friends!

35 weeks and 4 days

I know I have busy, but I am not sure what I have been doing! I do know that my dad and his wife came for a visit this past week, that I have had a lot of work events, and that I have been thinking a lot about preparing for baby (but not doing much beyond thinking.)

Maybe I should get on that....

I have a belly shot coming soon!

The Most Beautiful Map I Have Ever Seen

What an incredible moment. I am doing everything I can not to go wake Bill and Eva.

Best weekend ever! (or at least in the last three months.)

Yesterday morning Bill took the Lulu to the dump and fishing for a few hours. When they got home, we went grocery shopping. And I got tired so Bill sent me to sit down in the front of the store while he finished. He made dinner, gave E her bath, and put her to bed. She was asleep by 8:45. When we went to bed at 9:30 we realized it was time to set the clocks back...So I slept from 8:45 til 6:45. Today I have done nothing but lazed around the house and done some quilting. That is ALL. It is nice to have a husband.

Halloween

Princess Ghost was in her glory. We limited our trick-or-treating to one house, so as so avoid a kitchen full of candy (bad for me and for Eva...Bill has willpower.) But she was happy to see Rachel and Jeff and their dogs, so no disappointment. And she seemed to enjoy giving out the candy much more anyway.

Life Ain't Fair

This morning I woke up with the hair of a Victoria's Secret model and the body of a Green Bay Packer. God bless hormones.

My hair has seriously been out of control this time around...It grows like a weed and is super wavy. Bill should be really happy to see it...He loves the long hair.

Magic 8 Ball

One black shirt
One white circle of paper
One black crayon
Packing tape
Costume.

Eva was very happy with hers, and she will wear it again Friday and I will take pictures!

Last weekend

Bill comes home on Tuesday afternoon, which means if I want to get it done, this is the time to do it! It? Cleaning our bedroom and the rest of the house. Sorting baby clothes. Finishing a quilt. We'll see how I do. Can you tell we don't want to do much, ad would prefer sitting around, making scary faces.



And QUICK name an easy costume for a preggo that involves things found in MY home.

Let sleeping kids lie?

This afternoon I had the great pleasure of witnessing the most AMAZING temper tantrum ever. It was awesome in both its length and depth. "Go AWAY!" "LEAVE ME ALONE!" and "NOOOOOOOO" punctuated by the occasional: "Ah nah gahhhhhhhhhhhhh HURK AMmamamamamm." Which is either: I want to call grandma or I don't want my pajamas.

And then it was over. After 15 minutes. And the Junior Miss settled down on the couch. I went to start dinner. And the snoring began.

She's sick, obviously. Low fever. Cough. Snuffly-ness. And the last two nights were spent in bed with me, in part. Which means that after combining toss, turning, coughing, crying and kicking (external) with general discomfort, turning and kicking (internal) means I have not slept for more than 2 hours a clip since Saturday night.

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. LEAVE ME ALONE!Ah nah gahhhhhhhhhhhhh HURK AMmamamamamm!!!!!!!!!!!

So do I go get her....nevermind. She's awake.

first words: Go away mommy!

Two more months

...and I already look like I am hiding a basketball under my shirt!

Virginia is for Lovers (Mostly)

I spent my afternoon volunteering with the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, calling voters in Virginia. We use a great phone banking system that dials for you and puts your script right on the computer screen...it makes the time go much faster, since you don't have to listen to busy signals or, for the most part, answering machines. (A few of those do sneak through!)

I loved calling Virginia because EVERYONE was polite. No one hung up on me, not even the folks who obviously disagreed with my stance on choice. I did have one crazy lady who went on about Sarah Palin's "mongoloid baby" and how she wasn't going to vote for "Barry." At least she was nice to me.

My favorite call was to an elderly woman who called me Miss Martha and said she hoped to see me at the polls on November 4th, because she isn't going to miss it for the world.

I feel really good about spending my afternoon talking to folks!

And after that as over I visited our BRAND NEW Target. Finally, an alternative to Walmart and the run-down KMart. I spent way too much money, but I did find Eva some real clothes that can double as her "princess ghost" costume. and I bought a pack of newborn diapers to use on the Boy until his cord heals. (At least with Eva, the cloth diapers always seemed to hit her in just the wrong spot, and irritated her belly.) I feel satisfied. Especially since my mom is currently handing bed time duty and my feet are up on the coffee table.

Yesterday, as we came to the intersection by our house, we passed a veritable gaggle of Olympians in training. And they were shirtless, most of them. And they were wearing the hilarious roller skate skis that folks use to practice nordic skiing on the road. Eva yelled 'HELLLLOOO" and started to wave madly. And got a bunch of waves back. Everyone left the encounter happier.

Other highlights of the day were flu shots, Eva's surfing a bathmat face first into the toilet, the bruise that resulted, and eating McDonald's together for lunch inside the car wash. Oh, and all the great birthday greeting I got!

Oh my lord. I may be creating a monster!

The Lulu: Silly and Sweet

We were goofing around taking pictures with photobooth for her Dad, when Baby kicked his big sister and she stopped to take a minute to feel him move.

He flipped! I had a midwife appointment and wonder aloud about movement (or relative lack thereof compared to Eva the kick boxer) and she said she would see if she could figure out how he was positioned. Head down! and I think it happened yesterday, because today I felt much more uncomfortable!

Making Change

Today I helped make a change. It was minor, but not unimportant. The local paper has been covering a story about a man who, when questioned about another crime, told police where the body of a Canadian woman who has been missing for 4 or 5 years was. The body was found and today's headline was "Stripper's Remains Confirmed."

Yeah.

I emailed the paper right away, saying: I was very disappointed in your paper's decision to use the following
headline on the October 7th edition of the paper: "Stripper's Remains Confirmed." Surely we are more than what we do for a living. I did not know (the name of the murdered woman) but I am certain she was a friend, a daughter, a woman, a person, among many other things. The fact that her employment was in an industry about which people make moral judgements makes your use of her job title more problematic. A better headline would have been "Missing Women's Remains Confirmed."

Not an hour later, the editor emailed me at work (we know each other through my job, but I didn't submit the letter in my professional capacity) to apologize and to admit they had used poor judgement. And while it was obviously too late to change the headline on the paper paper, the online edition now says: "Quebec Woman's Remains Confirmed."

Downhill from Here

I can see snow from my house-Whiteface has a white face. Winter is coming. Yikes. That is all.

Starving

How can I be this hungry all the time? Or if not hungry, just longing to eat eat eat. This, I remember, is how I gained 65 lbs. Which I later (much later) lost. I know.

Plus my beloved co-workers keep baking shit.

Life Imitates Art

Belly in the Garden

Belly shot by Eva.

The Low Down

Ever since I learned that Baby Boy is ass backwards, or ass forward really, it's been like an epiphany. Know I know why I feel so damn good most of the time. At this point in my pregnancy with the Lulu, she had her feet crammed into my rib cage all of the time. I've also still gained SLIGHTLY less weight. (It becomes ever slighter by the day though...) And I am sleeping still. Mostly. Except when Lulu wakes me up as 12:30 with utter despair and hysterical sobbing. Still trying to figure out what was wrong.

I'm going to spend the afternoon cooking and cleaning again. And hopefully a friend of ours will be true to his word and can swing by to give the truck a jump before 4 so I can head to the dump. Because I am a princess and I do NOT put garbage bags in my car. Tomorrow, I hope for no rain, as we head to the Shelburne Museum to see the Mary Cassatt exhibit with my aunt.

What a week! This is the first night we got home before 6:30. Makes for the crazy. Right now Lulu is in the shower singing the poopyhead song. (As in..."My mommy is a poopyhead...")

I had an ultrasound today to see if my placenta had moved enough to do a vaginal delivery. It had. But the Boy is currently presenting butt first. We are assuming he will turn on his own...but I wonder how I will know if he has or not. Lulu was head down from the start (or she was whenever we looked!)

My biggest source of stress right now is Bill's truck battery. I hate care related things, as I don't know how to do anything and it scares me. Hence, a simple thing like a dead battery becomes a looming tension headache. Bill has taught me how to use the jumper cables but when I googled instructions for a refresher I decided that I am too afraid to do it. Luckily I know who to call. Unluckily I had to email Bill to get his number, and had to confess my fear of the battery. He'll be awesome with it, but I am embarrassed. But not enough to risk an explosion of battery acid in my eyes or a fire or shocking myself.

"There may not be a future!"

I am totally on board with the need to get Obama elected. There's no need to yell at me about it, N*RAL! Here's the conversation I had today:

As the Lulu would say, telephone ringers!

Me: Hello, Hello...Hello?

Her: Hello Ms. S. My name is so and so and I am a paid fundraiser for N*RAL. I won't take much of your time...

Me: That's ok. I have given in the past, but i can't do more right now.

Note...I am giving directly to the campaign, to PP's local and national action fund, PLUS I am phonebanking next month...

Me: I am sure I will give again in the future.

Her: Ma'am we need you now.

Me: Listen, I work for PP, and am giving to them and the Obama campaign directly right now.

Her: If things keep going they way they are going...THERE MAY NOT BE A FUTURE.

This was YELLED at me. Let me give a little lesson in fundraising: Never argue with the donor. And overdramatizing is not helpful...There WILL be a future. We may just not like it.

I am definitely starting to get uncomfortable. I think it is sad that if I could, I would beat Bebe Lulu to bed every night.

She has been all about showering for the past week. Thank goodness for small favors! I can veg out in the bathroom with a magazine. (How sad is that my opportunities to read on the toilet are long gone? I can't be in there for more than a minute without a visitor. One becomes very efficient.) She dances in and out of the water and fills a cup and empties it over her head for a good fifteen minutes.

Home again! We spent the weekend in Connecticut, running around. The Lu got her first non-Daddy administered hair cut and she was SOOOOO patient and sat so totally still and just smiled and watched. We went to an incredible children's museum which is inspiring me to start one locally. You know, in my abundant spare time or whatever. I bought the Lu some new clothes and she got a lot more from Grandma (and brother to be got some too.) And I snuck out to the movies. Joy!

Open Door Policy

It does seem to really work, leaving the bedroom door open. She stays up, but she also stays in bed, and nothing gets destroyed. So that IS an improvement.

This morning I was thinking how LONG September will be. October always flies, but September is mostly quite. We are headed to my mom's for the weekend, but nothing else til my work Gala on October 5. One out of town meeting. And then my awesome co-worker/staff person gave her two weeks noticed. I am really happy for her, since now she can move to VT to be with her boyfriend AND be gainfully employed. Plus, I have done the long distance thing and it really really sucks. And her new position sounds great. But she is SO easy to work with. And I have to find someone who can work well on our team, which is a little easier than starting totally fresh, with NO staff, which is how it was when I hired her. At least the fact that I only have her with me for two more weeks will make the next two weeks fly!

The Secret?

Could it be? Could the secret to getting her to stay in bed really be leaving the door open? It worked for naptime, and it worked for bed. It could be that she likes knowing I am close. And I can know the second she gets out of bed and put her right back in.

And here she is...as corn.

Number One of Four

I have four baby quilts to do by the end of November...and my goal is to have three done by the end of October...Here is the first!

Whine

Not sure who is crying more, me or her.

What a friggin' nightmare. Seriously, bedtime has gone from being a little more drawnout than I would like to being a total disaster. I really need the 2 hours between her bedtime and mine. Without it I have no alone downtime during the day - save the 12 minute drive from work to daycare. Oh, and I am 6 months pregnant and need to put my feet up in the evenings.

I really feel like such a failure as a parent. I have so little control over her, and feel like I have let her rule everything - when she has to do something other than play there is a struggle: bedtime, mealtime, getting dressed, riding in the car. Life is one temper tantrum after another, and I have so little energy right now, I don't feel like I even get much good playtime with her.

Oh. And its just me. I don't even have a babysitter I can use to get out of the house alone for a while. Unless I take time during work. Which I don't have.

This has probably all been exacerbated today by the fact I didn't get my two 12 minute breaks today.

And also...

Marthas, My Dears.

Well...it was temporary. Tonight I took away the magic lamp. Even after I told her I would put it back when she was asleep if she did not get up again she was up three more times. I took away almost all her stuffed animals. Then I switched to the silent treatment. And then I wondered why I decided to not pay attention to the part of every episode of Supernanny when the kids won't got to bed. And the it dawned on me...OH MY GOD. I AM THE PARENTS ON TV THAT I THINK SUCK.

She fell asleep right before 10. TEN. That is so wrong and makes me angry and tired and annoyed to even think about.

Off the Market

Though I threatened to sell her earlier today, the Lulu is off the market. Because she is asleep. And lordy me, when she is asleep it erases all the whining and crying and hitting and screaming off the previous 14 hours. Thank goodness. Unless she is sleeping in my bed, with her feet in my chin as she did last night.

We are in need of a form of discipline that actually works. When your kid offers to take a time out, thinking it means she can go on being bad, you start to doubt the efficacy of your methods. So I did what any modern woman does and I went to the two best sources of parenting info...the interwebs and the grandma. Both said to threaten to take away something meaningful. So that's what I did..."If you get out of bed, I will come in and take away your magic lamp." Who knew that she thinks her dad got it for her...all the better! After telling me that Daddy would be mad if I took it away and "I will tell Daddy you the mean manager" (the mean manager? really? where do they come up with this shit?) she finally understood that she could keep magic lamp if she just stayed in bed. Brilliant.

It worked. For tonight anyway. And that's all that matters.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Last night I dreamed that I was away on a business trip and Bill had the baby without me. When I got home he handed me his briefcase and the baby was fast asleep inside. I called the pediatricians office to schedule the first appointment and the receptionist said, "Doctor missed seeing you at the hospital!" So obviously I interpret this as a premonition that I will have an easy labor. And also, the baby was early, and we didn't have a crib or bassinet yet!

When I woke up at 5, E. was crying for the third time of the night. And begging for a popsicle. So I asked her if she wanted to snooze some more with me, and we slept until 8:30. (When I woke from a dream that I was trying to checkout of my room at the Fairmont in New Orleans, but my bed wouldn't fit out the door.)

And yesterday afternoon, Eva stalled on her nap til 2:30 (ripping up papers, reading, throwing toys around) when I offered to nap with her. And we slept until after 5:30. Which ended my plan of heading over to Book Club Mary Lou's pig roast. Which I have missed for the past 4 years.

Today we are headed to the corn maze. I wanted to wait til next weekend, but it is supposed to rain on Saturday and we have book club on Sunday. The weekend after that is a fall festival here in town, and potentially a grandma visit.

And finally, I am working on 4 baby quilts, and am ready to piece the top of the first one, which I want to have done by next sunday. Which means I will be, GULP, machine quilting. Please don't tell my grandma.

I Have Opinions on Things Outside Momhood

So clearly I think Obama hit it out of the ballpark last night. There's never been a doubt in my mind that I would vote for him. I love the man ALMOST as much as Lulu does. My plan for the day was to read the blogs about his speech. (In between work tasks, of course! And besides, reading that kind of stuff is my job too.) But that plan was derailed when by 10 am the only topic for discussion in the progressive blogosphere was McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as running mate.

I think she was choice made out of desperation. She doesn't have the experience. And she is so ideologically to the right that it makes me kind of queasy. She's under investigation for abusing her power. I could go on. And so could many other progressives.

So why did the topics on blogs like Daily Kos move pretty quickly to her looks, the fact that she's a mom, jokes about McCain thinking she's hot, and her son with Down Syndrome? In other words, things that would be off the table if she were a man. These are self proclaimed liberals!

On the other hand mainstream media has also told me that she was an beauty pageant contestant and a high school basketball star. Um...relevant how???And of course she rides a snowmobile and eats Moose...she lives in ALASKA for christ's sake! Not any more interesting than a woman in the North Country who eats Michigans and, well, rides a snowmobile. We don't all do it, but it's not newsworthy when one of us does.

And finally. I think people need to separate her opinions on choice from her own family composition. Mentioning her son with Down Syndrome and her 5 other kids in the same breath as her opinions on abortion implies that any pro-choice woman would have terminated the pregnancy...or would not choose to have five kids. Her decisions on these fronts are, I am sure, related to her politics, but they have nothing to do with mine.

But at any rate. She stinks. And no one should vote her and McCain. Who also stinks. 'Mkay? her being a woman is irrelevant to her stinkiness. Thought it is relevant to the world today. Know what I mean?

Home Alone!

Well, not really. But for the next two months it is just us girls while Bill is Alaska. There are definitely things that suck about this...missing Bill, being the only one who can handle bed time or coordinate my sometimes late or early work schedule. But overall it always turns out ok. You know, except for the separation anxiety. (I won't say who has it!)

I had my 24 week appt today...which means I get my glucose test in 2 weeks, and after my late september appointment I start going every two weeks. Best part is that I have only gained 20 lbs. thus far. I hope to gain less than 40 this time, after gaining more than 60 with Eva.

Other than that, I am allowing her to rip up a package of post-its while we watch "the Little Mermaid" before dinner. Hey, she's happy - I'm happy.

On Saturday we went to Vermont to my cousin Hannah's graduation party. It was great to see the extended family, though Eva was sad her friend uncle Jon was stuck in Kalamazoo.

Marvelous Marthas!

A few months ago, Martha emailed me and some other Marthas about the fact that there are so many of us in this area and suggesting we get together for an all Martha luncheon. And we did it today! At one point, there were TEN Marthas gathered around a table in Keene Valley today. One of the Marthas is news director for North Country Public Radio and she was recording, so expect to see a link to a radio report on this momentous Martha moment!

Tonight Lulu took a shower. By herself!

on the way home we passed a school and she said she couldn't wait to go to school. When I asked what she would learn there, she said, "to write my names, and show them to my mommy and hang them on the wall." Only three years to go, kid!

County Fair!

We took EvalaLou to the county fair today. After utter panic ("I want to get out of here!"), in the animal barns, we settled in for a long afternoon on the rides. She first thought the ferris wheel looked great. She was tall enough to go on with Bill, but we were worried she would have a freak out at the top. Luckily the line was long and she was distracted by the train ride. So she rode that. Thrice. And the merry-go-round four times. And the flying dragons (ALONE!) twice. And the fact that they went up in the air made it even better.

After all that she scarfed a hot dog and made four new friends, including a little girl who actually lives here in Wilmington. After a minute together they were holding hands and kissing.

She "won" a game (sanctioned cheating, of course) and picked a stretchy rubber lion/ball that Bill immediately named Scrotee. Yeah.

The rest of the weekend she made eyes at our house guest, Mike, and took a special trip to the park with old Bunkhouse guest Daniel and his fiance, Adrienne. They camped in our backyard last night.

23rd week!

Dern blogger

Damn you blogger. Why can I not upload pictures???

And also, damn you toilet, why won't you fill with water?

Independence

This morning Bill brought Lulu into my bed when he woke her up (accidentally). Before long, she turned to me and said "Mom, I want to go back to sleep in my bed!" And then she did.

Later, when I came out of the shower, I found her sitting on the couch, an opened yogurt in hand. She managed to open the fridge, find a yogurt, and open it. Undaunted by the inability to retrieve a spoon, she was using her hand as a scoop to move yogurt into her mouth. And somehow, this made less of a mess than a spoon does.

Hot Mamas

Somehow, at the bar tonight, I ended up at a table with the only other pregnant woman and two of the nursing moms at our conference . Needless to say, we were sucking back iced teas, water, and milk all night long.

This conference has been amazing. We've talked about a lot of great practical things, but we've also gotten into some wonderful philosophical discussions about social justice and philanthropy and how some of the ways we raise money are antithetical to the idea of social justice. Awesome conversation.

And also, we have played trivia games at the bar and ordered room service. Best. Conference. Ever.

What's my number?

Here I am in Minneapolis for a conference (an awesome conference, so far, by the way) on fundraising. My hotel room is huge and my bed is about as wide as our whole bedroom at home. All last week I was excited about this, as the hotel promised the famous sleep number bed. Yesterday afternoon I spent half and hour exploring the possibilities of 5 to 75. I settled on 15, which is a cotton ball as compared to my plywood at home. Let me tell you that my sleep number is NOT 15. Will readjust tonight and report back. But I can see how this could lead to a whole new level of obsessions...as if there is some magic number that is correct and if I land on it, I won't have a disturbing dream involving a knife fight, I won't wake up feeling like I am carrying around a 7 extra pounds, my back won't be stiff and I will be ready to run a marathon.

It could happen. Tonight I try 35.

OH BOY!

Number 2 is a boy!

We had the big ultrasound today and everything looked great. I am so glad to be having a boy, even though my intuition was wrong on that count. Now for the main reason I am nervous about a boy: the circumcision conversation with Bill. I already know I don't want it done and he does, so this might be interesting!

Actually

Lulu has a new word: actually. She is currently using it in every sentence. 'I'm coloring, actually." "I'm going to use all the paper, actually."

Expansion

It's still growing!

This was the longest week. A trip to Canton, lots of work meetings, slow recovery from that flu...I did get to visit my favorite fabric shop in St. Lawrence County. I wanted to find things for quilt for the sprout and Z's twins. The twins were easy, but I got confused and hung up on whether sprout is a girl or boy. So I decided to wait til after the 30th, when we have our big ultrasound to make any decor decisions.

Which leads me to the question...girl or boy? I have a feeling that says girl. Bill says boy. He really wants a boy. I find the idea of having a preference troublesome. With very few exceptions (we have two of one and want the other, for example), almost every reason I have heard for wanting one or the other are based on gender stereotypes. And for every
reason I can think of one example where the expectation was not the real outcome...the girl who hates to dress up and go shopping, the boy who is not rambunctious, the non-Daddy's girl, the boy who doesn't want to go fishing, the girl who does, etc etc.

Of course that doesn't mean I don't have a preference, which I won't share, but that I feel BAD about having a preference and when it comes down to it, my preference is based in some ideal of what girls and boys are.

So why do I never get a stomach virus and lose 5 pounds before a beach vacation? The nurse at my midwife's office said its ok, but that I should enjoy eating for the next few days.

The good news is that Lulu and I slept until 9 this am. The bad news is that I have her stomach virus.

I'm trying not to care that I hate my body right now. Yes the stomach is because I am pregnant, but the arms and legs are something altogether different. While I lost all the baby weight I GAINED with Eva, I was 10 lbs heavier than I would like to be to begin with. And the body i got back was not the one I left with, If you know what I mean. So I get annoyed and then I think I can't do anything about it now anyway. And I feel better. Until I think that lack of time and money for working out will be WORSE this time around. Oh, and I hate working out. Grrr.

Anyway. We spent the day on the boat. Eva was perky on this beach at Valcour Island, but whenever we went out in the sun and windlessness of the lake, she wilted. She ate a decent breakfast. Then nothing but fruit snacks all day. For dinner, a hot dog, broccoli veggie bite, and yogurt. And then she lost it all just before bed. It's amazing to me how she can be violently ill one moment, and ten minutes later acting completely normal.

24

Who knew a 24 hour stomach bug could be as harrowing as season one of "24"? Lulu was unable to keep anything down: not water, not pedialyte. We would just get one mess cleaned us and there would be another. And then it was over. She feels fine. I, on the other hand, am exhausted.

I'm feeling occasional movement from the BITO (bun in the oven) (tm my favorite volunteer Betsy.) But we can go days between kicks. This is the most disconcerting part of pregnancy...after symptoms, such as vomiting, retreat and before the big ultrasound and the crazy, sleepless nights of kicking. All I have to show is this ever changing belly and a backache.

Sneaky

The problem with working in the same building as your midwife is that sometimes you have to hide your soda and empty fast food bag behind your back while you chat in the hallway.

Potty Training

The potty training continues and we've been largely accident free - two in a week, ad that's it! But I worry that she holds her pee for TOO long. Yesterday she went at 9am and not again until after 4! We were out, and then she napped. But she stayed dry during the nap even. And this morning she finally went after 12 hours and three tries since we got up. Hmmmm. She will ask to go, but then change her mind. Not sure what that's about!

We had a great weekend, and we still won't be back to normal tomorrow. I am home this am, until Bill finishes his guide trip around 11 or noon. Then I head to work, and Bill's old friend Karen is coming over to han out with him and Lulu while her son gets oriented at Plattsburgh State.

More wood arrives

We now have two of three piles of wood at our doorstep. Waiting to be stacked.

My mom is in town for the weekend and we have a full dance card: BBQ soon, fireworks in Lake Placid, massage at the Mirror Lake Inn in the morning, followed by the BBQ festival, followed by collapse. Upon recovery, seeing a band at the Recovery Lounge also known as the Upper Jay Arts Center also known as an old model T factory now upholstery shop/performance space. Sunday am, breakfast with old friends of Bill's, then watch their daughter in the jumping competition at the horse show.

Phew.

clueless

What is it about Blue's Clues that I find so annoying?

My house is my own.

It's ours. Finally, truly and totally ours. The deed has been filed and it is in our name.

Bill bought the house before I met him. But he didn't really buy it. He basically entered into what they call a land contract: which is the opposite of a mortgage in that you only get title at the end. But he also did it over a handshake. With someone I don't trust. And the house was not only in that person's name. No matter: they all signed, even though we are sure the second party never got a penny of the $40k we paid. Yes. We paid $40k for our house. It is a shithole. But it's OUR shithole. And I expect we could sell it for 3 times what we paid. So we love the shithole. And we love it even more now that our names are on the deed!!

And there is also a big ole pile of firewood out front. With two more piles to come.

Pull up your big girl panties...

And keep 'em dry all day! She did it!

Lulu refused a pull up this am, and asked for her "mermaid pants." So I made sure she peed AGAIN before we got in the car for the 40 minute drive to the sitters, and put a towel on the car seat just in case. But it's after 6 now, and she's kept them dry all day. I just wonder what going to happen when she needs to drop a deuce...

Flipper

Sitting on the couch, relaxing my achy back ad hips when the deuce decides to flip Our at least that's what it felt like.

When the bee stings...

Poor Bebe Lulu got her first bee stings today...three of them. Poor Lulu. She's fine, but it put a damper on the day care trip to the playground.

In other news, her crib was recalled. Which is just what we needed to make us move forward on moving her to a toddler bed. Which I own, but need to get from the basement of my office. Plus it means the newbie will get a brand new crib.

Week Fifteen

I STILL get so confused about the weeks. But since I just passed the day I on which I had been pregnant for 15 weeks, I guess that means that this is me at the start of 16 weeks. Or something.

Lady of the Lake

Except its the wrong lake and she's, well, living. She sure shares her dad's need for speed!

Trauma free dining

What on earth does a toddler eat? Very little, if she's mine. Bebe Lulu has a very small repertoire of foods she will allow into her mouth, and very few of these will be eaten every time:

hot dogs
yogurt
bananas
grapes
ham
cheese
crackers
salami
fruit snacks
mandarin oranges
a hamburger (about 1/3 of the times we offer it)
french fries (about 1/3 of the time)
meatballs
noodles
eggs
bagel and cream cheese
toast
pizza

And that is about it. Which makes planning dinners hard and annoying. I SWORE I would not be the kind of mom who makes totally separate meals for her kids, but its starting to go in that direction. I always offer her what we are eating, but the number one response is "I don't like it." And if she's had it before: "I don't like it anymore." So tonight we tried falafel (new), couscous (LOVED before), cukes in yogurt (both had before). Her response "YUCK." She ate half a yogurt.

She supposedly eats everything at day care. But then again she always pees on the potty there too.

So...how do you encourage new foods without dinner time becoming a battle and food becoming a HUGE issue? I feel like forcing her to eat gets us nowhere. (She'll chew food but never swallow it) and I don't want her to be hungry. Bushe's too young to make decisions about nutrition for herself. So I got nothing.

Advice?

Tongue Tied

I have so much to say, and Bill's not home and I can't really blog about it, and I have nothing else to say.

Except this. Why does my house smell so damp? It has rained a lot the last few days, but this smell happens every summer. I can only assume it is rotting out from under us. (Over us we knew about, so that's ok.) We have lots of talks about what we should do about this house. We own it completely. No mortgage. And it needs work. And we talk about selling our other property to do that work. But we always get stuck on a few things: what do with us and stuff while we renovate, and whether or not we should just sell it (and we would probably get 3 times what Bill paid for it, even in this economy) or tear it down completely. But yet. I love this house. With it's seven tiny bedrooms. And no tub. And three half assed closets.

kNOw McCain!

Raining Buckets

No bath needed tonight.

And then it happened...

I outgrew my non-maternity clothes OVERNIGHT.

So yesterday I went shopping and I feel so much better about the world, now that I can breathe!

My Tomato, the Interweb, and Other Thoughts on the Mommy Wars

I have had three cravings so far this pregnancy, and I could be crucified for expressing desire for every one of them. They are: soft serve ice cream, root beer and tomatoes. I recognize that two are unhealthy choices, so I try to limit them. But it is might hard to resist walking down to the dairy bar for a nightly small twist, as I did the entire summer I was pregnant with Lulu. I could even write it off as not totally damaging, since the walk is almost a mile. Ok, closer to a half mile. But here's the thing: soft serve machines are apparently breeding grounds for the listeria, the same bacteria that makes deli meat off limits (unless heated to steaming, which = YUCK) And listeria can kill your baby. (Maybe the protesters should go picket the deli!) So root beer, well, that's full of sugar (but not caffeine: I get that via a 12 oz bottle of coke. Yes. I do.) And now, the tomato. Friggin' salmonella. At least the ones on the vine are still safe, and I will keep eating them until I shit my brains out.

So clearly, I know what's what. But should you happen to ask the interwebs if you can eat soft serve, you WILL be sorry. The knocked up boards of our favorite Fertility site (aka Fert*lity Fri*nd) are filled with fellow preggos laying in wait. If you mention a soda, or an iced coffee, or something with aspartame, you will be treated like a reckless fool, who has no idea she is ENDANGERING HER BABY. I can only guess what warnings I would get about my tomato and mozzarella salad ("Isn't that a SOFT cheese???")

It's like boot camp for the mommy wars. It gets us geared up for comments about strangers "raising" our children, and snickers about wanting to stay home. I think it comes from sheer terror. Pregnancy has become so restrictive. It gets to the point where if you listen to all the don'ts, you can become paralyzed. Not that some of the don'ts aren't totally valid. They are. But in our efforts to minimize risk and protect ourselves from loss and pain, we have become too vigilant. So we can't just enjoy being a fat preggo on a picnic bench with a root beer float. So when something goes wrong, GUILT is there, ready to remind you of the tomato or the coke or the cold cuts. And our fear, as it so often does, manifests itself in attacking others.

So I'll have my occasional soft serve, with a side of worry. And you have your sushi. And I really don't give a shit. Unless my tomato, still on the vine, has salmonella after all.

Its even hot here

Yes, it is hot even in the Adirondacks...which makes me feel really bad for all the folks in non-mountainy, lake dotted, river crossed places. But in spite of some many possible fishing holes, we decided it was too hot to leave the yard this afternoon and turned one of canoes in a pool for Lulu. We have more than enough canoes to make a pool for each of us, but she allowed us to share.

Today was the first Keene Valley farmer's market. Several folks have recently said that the market is no good until July, but I disagree. Sure there were two bags of lettuce and some rhubarb and no other produce, but we got our pork from Martha and John at Yellow House Farm and bread from the bakery formerly known as Merricks. Veggies will come later and I think local meat is more valuable.

I think it might actually be getting to be summer. Evidence: Bill out guiding til late, no tights, ice cream place open, Ironfuckingmen on the roads.

Why it matters...

Pomas the Train

Yesterday we went to North Creek to see Thomas the Tank Engine, or as Lulu calls him, Pomas.





We did everything we could there...the bubble station, hay bale maze, met Sir Topham Hat (also know as Mister Hat, and she wouldn't look at him. But as we walk away, she called "I love you, Mister Hat!"), played with toy trains, got a Thomas Tattoo, ate a hotdog and a hamburger, danced with the singer in the music tent, climbed on a fire truck, and of course, rode the train. Three hours of activity. She crashed in the car in about 5 seconds.

My favorite moment:
Lulu discovers a tiny cut on her finger, just as Thomas steam past us into the station.
Normal Lulu voice: "Pomas! I have a booboo!"
Deep Lulu Voice: "What, sweetie? I can't hear you."
Normal Lulu Voice, only LOUDER "I have a booboo!"
Deep Lulu Voice: "Okay, I'll kiss it sweetie."
Normal Lulu Voice: "Thank you, Pomas! I love you!"

Serendipity

On Thursday I was at a seminar on building effective non-profit boards. I've only ever been on the business end of the board meeting, never as a board member. The more I listened at this meeting the more I found myself longing to be part of a board. That very night I went to a meeting of a group I have been peripherally involved with for the past year (they are working on a community center for our town.) As part of that meeting, we talked about a new project, a museum. The focus on the museum is something I am passionate about-both because it's something I enjoy, and because it pays approximately one sixth of our bills. Fly fishing. And they are building a first board. And I have much needed PR and development experience. HA!

Funny how things come together...

I have been seriously ravenous all day long. Now that I am feeling better, I am attempting to eat better and more healthfully, but I still run for the nutella on white at least once a day. My other craving is veggie Subway subs (the works, jalapenos, oil and vinegar, salt and pepper on Italian herb and cheese) I could eat one every single damn day. Oh and Cokes and root beer are also irresistible, so I bought the tiny cans for myself.

We had a classic Stahl day in the Adirondacks yesterday: canoeing on Black Pond with sandwiches from Saranac Sourdough (muffaletta for me, don't tell the NO LUNCH MEAT police), root beer (of course) and two servings of their chickpea salad. I caught a fish (lovely brook trout, not eaten). We looked for flowers in the woods, and Lulu gave a lean-to magic show. Then we did a classic drive the longest way home possible (with those all veggie chips with the flying pigs): through Onchiota and Rainbow Lake and past Kushaqua and Mud Pond, and with side trip to visit Bill's friend who seems to own all of that part of the Adirondacks. Lulu had a ball with his dogs. Then home via Alder Brook (tomato basil salad with lots of vinegar and red onion), Union Falls, and Silver Lake. I took no pictures, but if you want to see that area, I refer you to Woodsrun (link to left.) She takes much better pictures of that area than I could! Home to eat the second half of Lulu's turkey sandwich and walk to Whitebrook Dairy Bar for ice cream (mint chip).

Damn, I'm hungry and I ate not an hour ago.

Evil Chest Gas Bubble

Oh no! I didn't get the evil chest gas bubble until much later with Lulu. After morning sickness this feeling is my least favorite pregnancy symptom.

It feels like a huge bubble in the middle of my chest, that sometimes starts to rise up, but never completely goes away, even if I belch like a drunkard at the county fair!

I drink bubbly beverages, because it least then I get a real burp instead of these weird low ones that never make it out!

Picnic at the VIC

Lulu and I took her grandma for a picnic at the Visitors' Interpretive Center at Paul Smith's on Saturday. We hiked, at lunch at the top of a tower, and watched Lulu's magic show in the lean-to.

Last night we stayed up late (til 11!) to watch the new PBS documentary on the Adirondacks. Cool to see people we know on camera (and have them not be, well, me!) I think they did a good job of capturing a piece of what it is like to live here now, while also sharing some of the history. Check it out if you can and feel inspired to come visit us. We still have three guest rooms! Catch it while it lasts!


Birthday month shout outs to Becca and Richie from Bebe Lulu! Three and One!

What I Missed

While I was at an all day meeting in Massena, this is what Bill and Lulu did.



Argh. As I wasn't already feeling torn about work life and home life and how the HELL will I balance them in the coming year????

This morning, Bebe Lulu and I were talking about names. Hers, mine, Daddy's. She's knows his is Bill, but she seemed very surprised at my name. I thought she would forget it, but after her "nap" (no sleeping involved) she called "Mommy Martha! Mommy Martha!" Only she can't say Martha, so she says Mars-ah.

We had one of those days you can't have when you are experiencing morning sickness or when it a month ending in R (or H or L, for that matter.) We went into Plattsburgh and bought a new vacuum. Yes. The Dyson. And I regretted it for about 10 minutes. Then I checked all the filters and connection and the plate on the bottom and now I LOVE it. (I was also looking at the Kenmore Progressive, but those have filters to change and, in some models, bags to buy. I won't do either, so I picked the Dyson (cheapest one, on sale). Then we went to the Low*s and bought dirt. Then to the Farmer's Market. And bought cookies. Then home for the "nap". Then off to Mac's for soft serve. (The Baby cone is the size of my thumb, and PERFECT.) Then to the nursery for more dirt and compost.

We are exhausted.

I am pretty much the worst at everything I do these days, and completely non-resilient. Hence closing my door to cry at work. Oh well. I am sure i will one day (in like 18 months) be a productive member of society again.

We saw the blob yesterday at our 8 week appointment. Very....blobby. The ultrasound tech is the worst. She's very cold, and parrots these re-rehearsed lines, while throwing in her particular brand of anti-choice cheer. (I happen to know her politics, so I can recognize WHY she insists the "baby" is "completely developed" by now. Sure, who needs eyelids the open and close? or working lungs?) But still, thanks for helping see the Deuce. Heartbeat = 170. For those following it home, this is an old wive's girly sign. Just saying.

We also learned that my midwive's are being crosscovered by most ob practices in town, which means it's highly likely someone I don't know will be there for delivery. My fave midwife already said I could get induced to be sure I had her, but after experiencing pitocin contractions once? No thanks. I am just relying on good karma and luck that Karen, the fave, will be able to do the delivery. Even though I think my friend J. may have just used that exact same karma for the exact same purpose.

"Go Barack Obama Go!"

Yes, she did.

Why did we get $600 less than I figured we would in our stimulation? Should I use some of it to buy a dyson, or am I a victim of marketing? How can I get Bill to stop using words like cha-cha in reference to body parts with real, anatomical names? (Lulu's not mine, of course!) Since when did depression become a pregnancy symptom?

See what I think about when not barfing?

Classic Lulu

1. Lulu sneaks into the bathroom, where I am ralphing, and rubs my back.

2. Lulu sees Barack Obama on tv and says: "Mommy, Barack Obama cute."

3. When Lulu discovers that Dad tok the rest of the coffee cake fishing with him, she gets the phone. "I call daddy to get my cake."

The nausea has let up a little, but the exhaustion is ridiculous. I've been in bed by 8 the last two nights and decided I couldn't take another day of uselessness by 5, so I am at home. I was going to work, but that hasn't exactly happened yet.

I don't remember feeling so blechy with Bebe Lulu. The thing is that I know I need to eat, but the deciding what to eat and the getting of the food just pushes me over the edge!

Thanks for all the congrats! We are so excited.

I'm at the famished stage, where all I want to do is eat. But I've only had one McDonald's product yet, an Egg McMuffin which I could not resist. and by this time with Lulu I was getting a cheeseburger and coke everyday on the way home. And then eating dinner. But since I didn't gain much til the last half of the pregnancy, I don't blame that for my 65 lbs gained.

Plus today was the first day it was nice enough to take a power stroller walk after dinner, followed by a premature but not totally disappointing "flower walk"* in the back yard. My irises have new growth, and thanks to my aunt's advice about planiting them really shallow, they might bloom this year. My alium is up, and my day lilies almost all are showing green tips. ANd there are a few new leaves on the Lady's Mantle.

*A flower walk, so named by the same Aunt for the evening stroll almost every gardener makes to check things out, is best conducted with a glass of wine. But Eva did try to share her BPA-free sippy cup of milk with me, so that was ok.

Today I gave about a pint of blood, drank an orange soda, and collapsed on the couch at 3pm. So either I have horrible taste and the flu, or I'm knocked up.

I'm not shy about spreading the news either, mostly because I can't keep a secret about myself to save my life. So at 5 weeks 1 day, half my co-workers, most of my family, and all of you know.

Here's what I am striving for this time 'round:

Weight gain of less than 60 lbs.
Exercising
No PUPPS
A labor of less than 2 days
A healthy bebe deux.

Home

Finally home! We had a great trip, but it was a lot of driving, and passengering, which Lulu handled very well. Secret weapon: fruit snacks. She also slept in a big girl bed a few of the nights that we were in NC and seemed unfazed by the house swaying on its stilts the first few bad weather days. But the week ended beautifully with two gorgeous beach days.

Vacated

We are on vacation in Cape Hatteras. We are sunburned and happy.

With Friends like These...

I think at least half the women in the world who have tried to conceive have fallen into the obsessive rabbit hole of Fertil*ty Fr*end. This time I swore it would be different. No more obsessive message board reading and posting: Look at my chart look at my chart! I haven't ovulated yet, but do you think I might be pregnant? Try and decipher the crazy TTC anagrams: DH and I Bd'd right before I O'd. I hate the TWW, my LP is so long anyway! I want to POAS but fear a BFN. So annoying, along with flashing "Army Wife" "Trying for a Boy" and "I love my Furbabies" blinkies.

Well this time it is different. I spend all my time comparing my current chart the one from when I got knocked up with Bebe Lulu. Because that is so much more productive. (HA!)

One week til vacation. I can not wait. In the meantime, my mom is visiting and is currently engaged in a kinder, gentler, Grandma version the bed time struggle. I just heard her tell Bebe Lulu : "You can't lick the floor, you're not momo!" (Momo the dog LOVES to lick the carpet.

The Last 8 of my Recent Fifteen

This is the best story yet. It is so rare that we get to really talk about the issues, as opposed to just giving soundbites. The reporter was with us for 45 minutes. And he could have picked anything we said and we would have been just as brilliant. Too bad the world gets to hear me wrestle with the world "disambiguous."

Milestones

Bebe Lulu has now passed these important milestones:

First movie, being Horton Hear a Who, on the implied recommendation of Becca. And no, we did not think it was an anti-choice parable.

First time eating two dinners in one night. If the key to good eating is dinner at 5:30, we are truly screwed, since dinner at 6:15 would not have been enough.

First cry-it-out session since 2006. No obvious long lasting ill effects, and mom and dad got to relax together for more than an hour.

First denial of fable that everyone else at day care will be exclaiming over tomorrow, with my refusal to prepare an Easter basket. Thank goodness Grams sent a few gifts, otherwise she might grow up feeling deprived.

Fifteen Minutes Continue

more fame!

Fifteen Minutes

Alas, you can't see my star turn online. But you will have a second chance to hear me on Monday, when an interview with the boss, a coworker and me (about the protest at my office, same as the news last night) airs on the local NPR station. That will most likely be online.

Famous

I love love love being on the news. There, I admit it. I was on ABC at 7 and will be on Fox at 10. But its the same story, so its not as impressive.

Green

Yesterday I headed into town early to go the Chamber of Commerce's St. Patrick's Day Breakfast. 500 people in the room. The head of every business, non-profit, bank. As many women as men. And all but two jokes told were sexist. And the only woman to speak that day? The director of the barbershop quartet. Who had to yell, since she wasn't given a microphone. And the two jokes not about women were about priests.

It also dawned on me that the award they give out, to a community leader who embodies community spirit, volunteerism, blah blah blah, would never ever be given to someone who works at my organization, even though we do just as much for the community (family planning! STI services! Sex ed!), more even than some of the other 'mainstream' groups that get recognized. Lame.

Baby fever is burning hot in our house. Hot Hot Hot. So hot that suddenly the insurmountable costs of day care for two seem doable. If we get rid of satellite tv and get vonage. Get rid of tv. And I am okay with that. And all the crazy work things will never end, and the timing will never be right. So I think we are going to go for it.

Besides, we already have nightly bedtime battles, so we might was well not end there and just give up sleep permanently.

Oh, and it must be spring. I read somewhere that women's bodies are still, to an extent governed by changing seasons and we want to engage in baby making in Spring. Apparently this is because we have worked in artificial light for fewer generations than men have. That sounds like bullshit, but I read this in the NY Times.

Red winged blackbirds have arrived!!!!

Dear god, will winter never end???

I am proud to say that I finished our part of our taxes. But I really have nothing else to report.

What will we do when she outgrows the tub? We don't have a big person sized one so it is this or the shower.

It wasn't like this today. Which means Spring nears. Unless you listen to the forecast. Don't listen to the forecast.

Grabs ya by the ears

I sit here tonight on my coach, sipping a nice zinfandel, and awaiting Lost. If you are a philistine like I used to be, you might picture me drinking pink wine. But oh no. I have learned the true nature of the the zin, thanks to last friday's wine tasting (a benefit for my employer and a benefit OF my job, getting to go to parties for PAY.) One of our Board members introduced the zin we tasted by saying, "This one just grabs ya by the ears!" And that's when I realized that grabbing me by the ears is my red wine standard of excellence. There's probably some technical name for this that Californians and city folk know, but for me, that is good enough.

Which leads me to a totally unrelated except for on the level of consumption thought. My doc says I have IBS and so I have been going to Dr.Google and found a list of what I should not eat and on it...everything I love. Cheese, wine, whole wheat, beans, like every fruit, red meat, fat of all kinds. Basically I am supposed to be eating fiber supplements, water, rice and carrots. Oh, and chicken. Come on! So it begs the question: pained, miserable and never too far from a bathroom? Or satisfied? What would Jesus Do?

Life imitates art. It was only a matter of time before the monkeys jumping on the bed manifested themselves in reality and Bebe jumped head first off the couch. All she could say after? "No more monkey jumpin' on bed." Damn right, girlie! And as a reminder someone has a BLACK and purple and red ear.

I'm home today and I am actually going to take a personal day instead of trying to do work (which doesn't mean that I won't be participating in two conference calls. The roads were awful this morning, but now it looks fine. And I am feeling guilty.

I so suck at dieting. I gained weight at these weeks weigh in (work people weighing and paying in each Monday and loser of biggest percentage gets the money.) So I had chick fingers and onion rings for lunch. So I skipped dinner and now can't sleep because I am hungry. I really want to exercise but have no time at lunch to do so and can't afford to give up anymore time with Bebe Lulu. My friggin' commute is really killing me.

Except for the part where she started yelling "BARACK OBAMA!" in the car today. Which is hysterical. (For the record after she yelled BARACK OBAMA! I tried to get her to say Hillary Clinton, but that was all garbled. And she loves to repeat things she hears on NPR. Until BARACK OBAMA it was mostly saying "TEENS!" during the weather report and "GAZA!" during a report on, well, Gaza.)

Best Lost ever. And other good stuff.

Da Pee, Boss, Da Pee!

My friend C. used to always say "repetition is the key to learning." She was a smart lady. But you know what the other key to learning is? Rewards.

Since the two daycare potty pees yesterday and one the day before were rewarded with jewels (plastic, but jewels nonetheless) I had to bring out the big guns. Tattoos.

After several uneventful bathroom trips this morning about twenty minutes ago Eva called "TATTOOOO" from the kitchen. She was diaperless, holding her crotch and looking at a small puddle. I grabbed her and ran and she let it rip on the toilet. The whole time? "TATTOOO! TATTOOOOOOOO! TATTOO!"

So glad I am working from home today.

playtime report...

Since you asked...

we made owls from paper plates and flew them around the living room.
we made a nest from a box.
we giggled over my puppet voice (faux lambchop).
we flew owls more.
we made a tower from blocks and named the animals.
we shook our booties.

then she hid in her room at minute 48.

Last night I dreamed that I was depressed. So of course today I was. Every little thing is irritating and I hate everyone. Truly. Everyone. I also feel scattered brained and it pisses me off that Bill feels the need to comment on that.

For instance.

I got mail from the COunty Treasurer today. I opened the envelope to find a letter and the envelope I sent my tax check in. The letter said, basically, "we sent this back to you because there was foreign matter in the envelope. You suck. We hate you and your foreign matter so much that we sent your check back." My envelope was taped shut and when I opened it inside was my check, my coupon, and a lock of Lulu's hair. I had mailed the check in the envelope I had put her hair in. At least they sent it back to me, But as I opened it Bill was bitching about me opening mail over my dinner. And then about how I had sent the tax check with her hair. Well crap, I shouldn't have put that envelope in the bowl where we put VERY IMPORTANT papers. Except it made sense to put her very important hair there at the time. I just should have labeled it.

And then Eva wouldn't go to bed. Again. Bill did come to the rescue on that one.

Oh, and she peed twice on the potty for Trooby, her babysitter.