Starving

How can I be this hungry all the time? Or if not hungry, just longing to eat eat eat. This, I remember, is how I gained 65 lbs. Which I later (much later) lost. I know.

Plus my beloved co-workers keep baking shit.

Life Imitates Art

Belly in the Garden

Belly shot by Eva.

The Low Down

Ever since I learned that Baby Boy is ass backwards, or ass forward really, it's been like an epiphany. Know I know why I feel so damn good most of the time. At this point in my pregnancy with the Lulu, she had her feet crammed into my rib cage all of the time. I've also still gained SLIGHTLY less weight. (It becomes ever slighter by the day though...) And I am sleeping still. Mostly. Except when Lulu wakes me up as 12:30 with utter despair and hysterical sobbing. Still trying to figure out what was wrong.

I'm going to spend the afternoon cooking and cleaning again. And hopefully a friend of ours will be true to his word and can swing by to give the truck a jump before 4 so I can head to the dump. Because I am a princess and I do NOT put garbage bags in my car. Tomorrow, I hope for no rain, as we head to the Shelburne Museum to see the Mary Cassatt exhibit with my aunt.

What a week! This is the first night we got home before 6:30. Makes for the crazy. Right now Lulu is in the shower singing the poopyhead song. (As in..."My mommy is a poopyhead...")

I had an ultrasound today to see if my placenta had moved enough to do a vaginal delivery. It had. But the Boy is currently presenting butt first. We are assuming he will turn on his own...but I wonder how I will know if he has or not. Lulu was head down from the start (or she was whenever we looked!)

My biggest source of stress right now is Bill's truck battery. I hate care related things, as I don't know how to do anything and it scares me. Hence, a simple thing like a dead battery becomes a looming tension headache. Bill has taught me how to use the jumper cables but when I googled instructions for a refresher I decided that I am too afraid to do it. Luckily I know who to call. Unluckily I had to email Bill to get his number, and had to confess my fear of the battery. He'll be awesome with it, but I am embarrassed. But not enough to risk an explosion of battery acid in my eyes or a fire or shocking myself.

"There may not be a future!"

I am totally on board with the need to get Obama elected. There's no need to yell at me about it, N*RAL! Here's the conversation I had today:

As the Lulu would say, telephone ringers!

Me: Hello, Hello...Hello?

Her: Hello Ms. S. My name is so and so and I am a paid fundraiser for N*RAL. I won't take much of your time...

Me: That's ok. I have given in the past, but i can't do more right now.

Note...I am giving directly to the campaign, to PP's local and national action fund, PLUS I am phonebanking next month...

Me: I am sure I will give again in the future.

Her: Ma'am we need you now.

Me: Listen, I work for PP, and am giving to them and the Obama campaign directly right now.

Her: If things keep going they way they are going...THERE MAY NOT BE A FUTURE.

This was YELLED at me. Let me give a little lesson in fundraising: Never argue with the donor. And overdramatizing is not helpful...There WILL be a future. We may just not like it.

I am definitely starting to get uncomfortable. I think it is sad that if I could, I would beat Bebe Lulu to bed every night.

She has been all about showering for the past week. Thank goodness for small favors! I can veg out in the bathroom with a magazine. (How sad is that my opportunities to read on the toilet are long gone? I can't be in there for more than a minute without a visitor. One becomes very efficient.) She dances in and out of the water and fills a cup and empties it over her head for a good fifteen minutes.

Home again! We spent the weekend in Connecticut, running around. The Lu got her first non-Daddy administered hair cut and she was SOOOOO patient and sat so totally still and just smiled and watched. We went to an incredible children's museum which is inspiring me to start one locally. You know, in my abundant spare time or whatever. I bought the Lu some new clothes and she got a lot more from Grandma (and brother to be got some too.) And I snuck out to the movies. Joy!

Open Door Policy

It does seem to really work, leaving the bedroom door open. She stays up, but she also stays in bed, and nothing gets destroyed. So that IS an improvement.

This morning I was thinking how LONG September will be. October always flies, but September is mostly quite. We are headed to my mom's for the weekend, but nothing else til my work Gala on October 5. One out of town meeting. And then my awesome co-worker/staff person gave her two weeks noticed. I am really happy for her, since now she can move to VT to be with her boyfriend AND be gainfully employed. Plus, I have done the long distance thing and it really really sucks. And her new position sounds great. But she is SO easy to work with. And I have to find someone who can work well on our team, which is a little easier than starting totally fresh, with NO staff, which is how it was when I hired her. At least the fact that I only have her with me for two more weeks will make the next two weeks fly!

The Secret?

Could it be? Could the secret to getting her to stay in bed really be leaving the door open? It worked for naptime, and it worked for bed. It could be that she likes knowing I am close. And I can know the second she gets out of bed and put her right back in.

And here she is...as corn.

Number One of Four

I have four baby quilts to do by the end of November...and my goal is to have three done by the end of October...Here is the first!

Whine

Not sure who is crying more, me or her.

What a friggin' nightmare. Seriously, bedtime has gone from being a little more drawnout than I would like to being a total disaster. I really need the 2 hours between her bedtime and mine. Without it I have no alone downtime during the day - save the 12 minute drive from work to daycare. Oh, and I am 6 months pregnant and need to put my feet up in the evenings.

I really feel like such a failure as a parent. I have so little control over her, and feel like I have let her rule everything - when she has to do something other than play there is a struggle: bedtime, mealtime, getting dressed, riding in the car. Life is one temper tantrum after another, and I have so little energy right now, I don't feel like I even get much good playtime with her.

Oh. And its just me. I don't even have a babysitter I can use to get out of the house alone for a while. Unless I take time during work. Which I don't have.

This has probably all been exacerbated today by the fact I didn't get my two 12 minute breaks today.

And also...

Marthas, My Dears.

Well...it was temporary. Tonight I took away the magic lamp. Even after I told her I would put it back when she was asleep if she did not get up again she was up three more times. I took away almost all her stuffed animals. Then I switched to the silent treatment. And then I wondered why I decided to not pay attention to the part of every episode of Supernanny when the kids won't got to bed. And the it dawned on me...OH MY GOD. I AM THE PARENTS ON TV THAT I THINK SUCK.

She fell asleep right before 10. TEN. That is so wrong and makes me angry and tired and annoyed to even think about.

Off the Market

Though I threatened to sell her earlier today, the Lulu is off the market. Because she is asleep. And lordy me, when she is asleep it erases all the whining and crying and hitting and screaming off the previous 14 hours. Thank goodness. Unless she is sleeping in my bed, with her feet in my chin as she did last night.

We are in need of a form of discipline that actually works. When your kid offers to take a time out, thinking it means she can go on being bad, you start to doubt the efficacy of your methods. So I did what any modern woman does and I went to the two best sources of parenting info...the interwebs and the grandma. Both said to threaten to take away something meaningful. So that's what I did..."If you get out of bed, I will come in and take away your magic lamp." Who knew that she thinks her dad got it for her...all the better! After telling me that Daddy would be mad if I took it away and "I will tell Daddy you the mean manager" (the mean manager? really? where do they come up with this shit?) she finally understood that she could keep magic lamp if she just stayed in bed. Brilliant.

It worked. For tonight anyway. And that's all that matters.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Last night I dreamed that I was away on a business trip and Bill had the baby without me. When I got home he handed me his briefcase and the baby was fast asleep inside. I called the pediatricians office to schedule the first appointment and the receptionist said, "Doctor missed seeing you at the hospital!" So obviously I interpret this as a premonition that I will have an easy labor. And also, the baby was early, and we didn't have a crib or bassinet yet!

When I woke up at 5, E. was crying for the third time of the night. And begging for a popsicle. So I asked her if she wanted to snooze some more with me, and we slept until 8:30. (When I woke from a dream that I was trying to checkout of my room at the Fairmont in New Orleans, but my bed wouldn't fit out the door.)

And yesterday afternoon, Eva stalled on her nap til 2:30 (ripping up papers, reading, throwing toys around) when I offered to nap with her. And we slept until after 5:30. Which ended my plan of heading over to Book Club Mary Lou's pig roast. Which I have missed for the past 4 years.

Today we are headed to the corn maze. I wanted to wait til next weekend, but it is supposed to rain on Saturday and we have book club on Sunday. The weekend after that is a fall festival here in town, and potentially a grandma visit.

And finally, I am working on 4 baby quilts, and am ready to piece the top of the first one, which I want to have done by next sunday. Which means I will be, GULP, machine quilting. Please don't tell my grandma.