Do you remember when we lived in England and we sprayed the windows of our house with the fake snow in a can, writing S-N-O-W in big letters down the window in the door to the garden? How one of the girls brought a tree at Tesco (where people said Radiohead shopped - this before the days of music online and before I even knew how to use email even) or Marks and Spencer or the other store...Stansbury's, or something like that? It was a live tree, in a pot, and we decorated with supermodels and paper chains and named it Eloise. We planted in the backyard in the Spring, next to some heather that died, and maybe its still there.

Remember how we went to the church on Christmas Eve with the parents who came? We tried to sing the familiar hymns but the melodies were off, and I had a sad and lonely in my stomach that was so hard it felt soft. And having someone else's family near made it worse, even though they bought Christmas crackers.

And remember how you came to visit, and we went to your Aunt's house and went out with the wild women and the chef had to make me something special that was vegetarian. And none of the British women would order whole pints? James Bond movies were playing on telly and 007 always reminds me of that Christmas.

It snowed, and on New Year's we all danced in the kitchen and drank and ate too many kids of beans?

And when you came back to our house after the holidays you opened a bag smelling of sunshine and LA, and life got back to a normal that was never normal, but felt just right at the time.

Do you remember any of this? If you do, I want to tell you that I love you, and I am glad to have felt happy and sad holiday feelings with you and when anyone asks I say you are my best friends.